Defining this triangle

There is a marked difference between gottas and wannas. Mundane chores and maintenance actions are grey and not so attractive. Creativity, exploration and being with people are colorful and happy-making. The gottas are sort of the same each day. And grey. The wannas are always always different from each other. And colorful. Rainbow.

I go back and forth between gotta and wanna. Two points, joined by the line that is my life, back and forth, Forming the base of a triangle. I often get lost between these two; they are demanding.

But then I catch sight of the apex of the triangle, way up there, which shines with amazing light. It whispers and hints of its nature. It gives glimpses of its beauty. It is always there. But I don't always notice it or remember it or value it.

I do maintenance stuff and I do creative stuff. Back and forth, back and forth. And when I am wise I try to keep one ear open to hear the song of the peak. To see its light. I long to experience its presence.

When I remember to do so, I attempt to improve myself. To climb higher. To bring myself closer to the apex.

I forget sometimes. I forget because I am swallowed up in chores and pleasures. Back and forth. Back and forth.

I hope I will continue to hear, to glimpse, and above all continue to strive to get ever closer.

I hope I will remember to adore.

Traveling companions

I'm making arrangements to take my dogs with me on walkabout in a couple of weeks Neighbor Jane, who usually takes care of them, has a lot on her plate over that time. I am relieved and happy. I hadn't wanted to leave them behind.

This is a new location for the class and we haven't any established dog havens there.
I went into fear and freezing in place mode. Inaction, back and forth mentation, "white" nights where sleep hid behind the worry, lack of clarity, indecision, ignorance of alternatives, etc.

But. Whew! I've booked them into a real nice place near the school. I will have their companionship during the ride. I will have good conversation (well, they are good conversationalists when we're alone together). I will have somebody to take care of which will take my focus off myself.
Focus on myself is too introspective, too fault finding, and often generates fear.

Do you think I could register them as therapy dogs?

I love this book!

I love books about kids. I love books about smart people. I love books about hackers. I love books about people who learn and excel and outthink. I love books about the future, dystopian or idyllic. And this book has it all. "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card. Recommended.

And there are sequels!